Removing the Mask: Discovering Our True Selves
Introduction: The Concept of the Mask
Many of us wear masks that hide our true selves, and this concept deserves further exploration. What is this mask? How did we acquire it? Why do we have it? And most importantly, how do we remove it to live a more fulfilling and expressive life? These are crucial questions to address on our journey of self-discovery and personal growth.
The Origin of the Mask
Throughout our lives, especially from an early age, many of us end up developing coping mechanisms and avoidant strategies if we are not initiated properly into the wide range of emotions we will experience and the role they play (and don't) in our lives. These behaviors help us avoid appearing in ways that we subconsciously feel are wrong, bad, or harmful to our acceptance into the group. These masks can take various forms, such as the overachiever, underachiever, criminal, or goody two-shoes, and this list goes on and on. We might lean on substances, excessive calorie intake, or screen time as ways of hiding or avoiding others, or to escape the negative spectrum of emotions that don’t feel safe or enjoyable to experience. Afterall, when we identify too heavily on the emotions we experience, life can oftentimes feel overwhelming. These "avoidant behaviors" that we develop as ways of coping with life become, at least in part, who we think we are and who we express in the world as.
Recognizing the Mask and Its Impact
When we start to do our inner work and realize that no one is coming to our rescue, we often gain insight that while we must be the hero in our story, we could also be the villain. It is often these avoidant behaviors that come under scrutiny first. This is a good starting point—a trail of breadcrumbs that can lead to a soul-searching journey that can span a lifetime.
Think of the mask as a false sense of self that we show to the world. It’s the surface-level persona, nothing too deep. We identify with the characteristics of the mask: the high achiever, the people pleaser, the criminal, or the lazy bum(and this list goes on and on). Whether we’re the life of the party or the socially awkward wallflower, the mask robs us and others of our true selves and the unique gifts we are here to share with the world.
The Rescuer and the Inner Victim
We can also view the mask as the rescuer to our inner victim—the part of our inner child that was wounded early on and never fully recovered. When we are finally ready to put the story down and begin our inner work, the mask is a great place to look for clues. We also begin to become aware of the masks others wear to hide behind. The vale begins to fall around us so to speak.
The Societal Impact of Masks
As you can imagine, men who have done their inner work won’t make the mistake of electing leaders who haven’t done theirs. We won't patronize companies run by men living in their shadows, refusing their own inner work. Political and industry leaders who get caught in scandals, such as having affairs, misusing funds or poisoning people and planet wouldn’t reach positions of power if more people were doing their inner work. Instead, these individuals would be encouraged to do their work. Invited to take part in men’s groups, or 12-step programs, nudging them to begin their own journeys and welcoming them into the tribe they feel distanced from.
This isn’t to say that leaders need to be men—far from it. Our industry and political leaders should more closely resemble the diverse masses they represent, including men, women, and non-binary individuals. When we collectively do our work, we aren’t led by power structures headed up by those who haven’t done theirs. Instead, political, religious, and industry institutions are headed by individuals who have faced their shadows, slain their dragons, and are present and ready to share their unique gifts with the world.
Conclusion: Embracing Authenticity
Removing the mask and doing our inner work is essential for personal growth and for creating a more authentic and inclusive society. By addressing our avoidant behaviors and confronting the fears and wounds that lie beneath our masks, we can reveal our true selves. This journey allows us to share our unique gifts and live more fulfilling lives, while also fostering leaders who embody integrity and authenticity.
The path to self-discovery and authenticity begins with the courage to face our inner demons and remove the masks we wear. It’s a challenging journey, but one that holds the promise of true fulfillment and a deeper connection with ourselves and others.