My Journey: From Shadow to Light
Introduction: The Early Years
The trajectory of my personal journey has been shaped by the trials and tribulations I experienced throughout my teens and twenties. These years were undoubtedly marked by living from the wounding, the shadow that I buried from my youth. The avoidant behaviors I engaged in were ignorant attempts to squash and ignore the deep-seated feelings of 'not good enough' that ran rampant in my subconscious mind. Leaning on substances, external victories, and validations were among the most pervasive of these behaviors.
The Awakening in My 30s
As I entered my 30s, I began to get a faint idea that there was something deeper within me that needed attention. I sensed a hint of a problem, a clue that there was work to be done on myself. Although I wasn't quite ready to accept the truth that I was the villain in my own story, I acknowledged that self-improvement was necessary. I became a curious observer of others, listening, watching, and learning from the tools and techniques they developed to work on themselves. However, I didn't start applying these lessons in my own life just yet.
The Turning Point in My 40s
It wasn't until my 40s that I began to seriously work on myself, becoming almost preoccupied with my inner world. I found myself seduced by my shadow, driven to root around and understand what made it tick. In my mid-40s, I came to a profound realization: it was ultimately my choice whether to associate with my shadow or not. At any moment, I could choose how I wanted to feel. By allowing negative feelings to flow, acknowledging and accepting them, I could then choose a different emotional state.
Embracing Mindfulness and Meditation
As I embraced this newfound understanding, I began to grow into the idea that I am not my thoughts, feelings, or emotions; I am the observer of them. I started employing tools on a regular basis, such as mindfulness, meditation, and gratitude practices. Techniques like breathing into my don Tien (a focal point of energy in the body) and visualizing energy flowing through my center and down my front channel became part of my daily routine.
The Importance of Groundwork
Through this process, I realized how essential it is to lay the groundwork before harnessing and running our energy. Throughout my life up until that point, my energy had been scattered. It became clear that many of us need substantial pre-work to stabilize and focus our energy effectively.
Shadow Work: Different Paths for Different People
It's important to note that not everyone needs to become obsessed with their shadow to work with it. Many people can take the tools and lessons shared by others and make significant progress without hitting rock bottom or experiencing extreme lows. As Rumi beautifully put it, "If everything around seems dark, look again, you may be the light." Some of us need to dance with our shadow, while others can simply acknowledge, course correct, and move on.
Conclusion: From Shadow to Light
My journey from living in the shadow of my past to embracing the light of self-awareness has been transformative. By recognizing and working through my inner demons, I have found a path to greater peace, self-acceptance, and fulfillment. This journey is unique to each individual, and the tools we use to navigate it are personal. Whether through deep introspection, mindfulness practices, or simply acknowledging and moving past our shadows, the goal is the same: to live authentically and share our unique gifts with the world.
Final Thoughts
No matter where you are on your journey, remember that you have the power to choose how you respond to your thoughts and emotions. Embrace the tools that resonate with you, and don't be afraid to seek help and guidance from others. The path to self-discovery and healing is not always easy, but it is profoundly rewarding. As you move forward, may you find the light within yourself and shine it brightly for all to see.